My name is Thea, and I’m a single parent to three children aged 10, 3 and (almost) 2.
I work full time with 17 years’ experience in my industry, I’m highly qualified and we live in London near my work, where I’ve called home since 2009.
Like hundreds of thousands of others, my children are impacted by the two-child benefit and the benefit cap. This impossible situation has led to me starting a government petition to recognise how these measures put children into grinding poverty for the sole reason of having much loved siblings.
It was realising that my family’s struggles aren’t unusual that moved me to start a petition. This petition asks the UK Government to:
Lift 620,000 children from absolute poverty and reduce the depth of poverty for a further 700,000 by removing the 2-child limit and the benefit cap
Increase child-related benefits in line with inflation or average earnings (whichever is higher)
I started the petition because, despite trying everything I can as a devoted single mum, my ‘good’ income doesn’t make ends meet.
Working hard doesn’t fix everything
How much do you think a single mum of 3 should earn to survive? Think of a number - how much annual salary, before tax, to provide the basics?
Child Poverty Action Group says to raise one child to 18 as a single parent cost £290,000 in total -this means a single parent would need £16,111 annually per child to afford the basics. In a separate piece of research, the Joseph Rowntree Foundation shows that a single parent with just two children would need to earn at least £57,000 a year for them and their family to have a decent standard of living. For families with three or more children, it would need to be even higher.
Having that kind of salary would put you in the top 15% of earners. This means that 85% of people who work full-time don’t earn enough to support three children in a single-income family.
I work hard in a good job, but I still struggle – looking at those numbers it's clear to see why. Should only the richest parents be able to have three or more children? Do we really believe that children with two siblings deserve to have less than the minimum? In the case of an unexpected pregnancy, should only financially eligible women be supported to continue a pregnancy?
When you have three or more children, it feels like you're not allowed to stop or cry or fall down
I feel stigmatised every time I look at my Universal Credit statement for choosing to continue my pregnancy and have my much loved third child. But all my children are already here, they have human rights and deserve to be cared for. As their mother, I know how to care for them and I should be supported.
The two-child limit and the benefit cap are not intended to help real families like us.
And what message are these policies sending to families like mine? Subliminally the message of shame, blame and disgust. Which takes its toll on the mental health of parents and their children. Is this the message we want to send children? “You deserve less support than other kids because your mother had too many of you?”
I feel like I’m living a double life. At work, I focus and try to act like everything’s OK. I’m successful and middle class as planned. But, in reality I’m living in a one-bedroom apartment with three kids, struggling to put each meal on the table. My pride is my armour.
When I’m out with all three, especially on buses when we’re naturally in everyone’s way, my anxiety soars. You have to be careful who you speak to about your parenting challenges, as judgment waits around every corner.
What I never tell my children is that for me, life is extremely scary outside of the beautiful bubble I create for them. At any moment it could fall apart, and I am the one holding it together alone. I often have to say no to things I want to say yes to - ice cream, a better desk chair, or an afterschool drama class and it doesn’t make sense to them. My son said “But Mom, you work all the time. We should be rich!” What’s incredible is that compared to most UK taxpayers, despite our financial challenges, that is how we are seen.
Change can happen - if we make it
Despite the financial worry, mental anguish, the stigma, the loneliness, shame and blame on my Universal credit statement; I fight on because of my deep love for my children and their love for each other.
The UK is currently the only country in the world which withholds state support from children based on there being more than two children in a family. The policy seems targeted at those deemed irresponsible or selfish, but in my eight years coordinating my local single parents group of over 70 families, I have met people working immensely hard whether at employment, self-employment, or at the unpaid labour of caring for our kids. No matter what our story, the kids always come first.
My ‘unauthorized’ baby is now two years old, and we have relied heavily on baby banks and our school’s supermarket waste program to survive. I’ve borrowed money from family to pay my rent. Despite upskilling to earn more, I scrimp at the checkout for every last penny. I have juggled in so many ways. But now that I’ve started work again, it’s harder to find the time or even the headspace to play around with Lidl coupons, or visit three different stores for the cheapest can of beans, or sell possessions online.
My 10-year-old dreams of us having our own home, a car, or even just his own room. The £230 month for the baby won’t make that happen, but it’s a long way toward closing the shortfall between my take-home pay and our expenses until the little ones are out of nursery.
But it would give us the breathing space to grab milk or eggs on the way home from school instead of taking a detour to the cheaper supermarket, the flexibility to hop on the bus instead of making my kids walk on weary little legs. And with more peace of mind around our bills and day to day expenses, I’d have less stress and anxiety, be more emotionally available, and better able to be the parent I want to be.
The UK Government needs to do its bit
You will hear from parents and carers like me who skip meals, take on multiple jobs, and basically move mountains so their kids can thrive. It’s time for the government to match our commitment.
Since the current government came to power, 37,000 more children have been impacted by the two-child limit. They might not have introduced this policy, but it is entirely in their power and duty to remove it.
But they need to know that’s what voters want. To do this I’m trying to get as many petition signatures as possible to show the UK Government that people want them to take more action on child poverty, and help families like mine.
