It's so hard when children get worried about things.
All we want to do is help reassure them, but sometimes simple reassurance just doesn’t do the trick. When that anxiety is around going back to school, it’s even more tricky. We can’t just not let them go – and it's horrible to think of them feeling sad when we’re not there to support them.
Back to school anxiety affects many UK children. According to NHS England's Mental Health of Children and Young People in England 2023 report, one in five children aged 8-16 (20.3%) had a probable mental disorder in 2023, with anxiety being among the most common issues.
School transitions and separations can trigger or worsen these feelings, making the back-to-school period particularly challenging for some families.
Here’s 5 tips to help support their emotions and grow their resilience:
1. Hearts keep us connected – school can represent a big separation for our sensitive children. One thing that can work nicely is a shared point of connection. This can be a friendship bracelet you both wear, or simply a heart drawn on each of your wrists. When they feel sad or worried that it’s a long time until home time, they can look down and know you are connected by your hearts.
2. Keep talking – when it comes to worried children, one of the best things we can do is prep, prep, prep! We tend to think our kids understand everything that’s going to happen, but it’s lots harder for little minds to hold that information as (lucky them) they live so much in the moment. As the end of the holidays draw to a close, start talking through – in as much detail as you can – what they can expect when it’s time to go back to school. Keep it manageable, and bitesize, but knowing what’s coming, and when, can make a real difference.
3. Make a plan – just as talking through what’s coming up can help some children, a bright, engaging visual of their week can be a good way to get them on board. It can be as detailed or simple as you like but letting them draw some pictures each day of what they plan to do – whether at school or when they get home is great to help them feel a bit more in control. And some drawings of family time at the end of the week is a fun thing to look forward to. Lastly, add an arrow that your little one can move along each day to track the days as they pass.
4. Bridge the gap – think about what we say when we're saying goodbye to the people we love as adults. We've had a great time hanging out with our friends or family and when we say goodbye we instinctively make plans for the next time we will be together again. ‘let's get a date in for our next get together’ ‘can’t wait to see you for my birthday’ etc. Children are just the same. When you’re saying goodbye to your kids for the day, bridge the separation gap. This may look like ‘I can’t wait to give you a big hug when I pick you up later’ or even ‘after I collect you from school, we will go to play in the park before dinner’. It makes an enormous difference!
5. A social story – if you have a really nervous child and the above tactics just aren’t working, you could consider making them a short social story. A social story is a tool that can help children feel more prepared for certain situations. You write them from the child’s perspective, so they can identify with the story and include suggested responses. You can check out this template from Twinkl here. Social stories are evidence-based tools particularly effective for autistic children and those with communication difficulties.
Common questions about school anxiety
When should I worry about my child's school anxiety?
It's so hard to know, isn't it? Most kids feel a bit wobbly about going back to school – especially after the holidays. Those butterflies are completely normal. But if your little one is having tummy aches or headaches every morning before school, or if they're really struggling to get through the school gates for several days in a row, it might be time to reach out for some extra support. The same goes if their worries aren't settling down even after trying the tips above. Have a chat with their teacher first – they see this all the time and can be a brilliant source of support. And your GP is always there if you need them.
Returning to school can create anxiety and fear of separation in any child but for a neurodivergent child these emotions may be amplified. For expert advice on how to support check out Action For Children’s neurodiversity section on their parent hub.How common is school anxiety in UK children?
You're definitely not alone in this. According to NHS England's Mental Health of Children and Young People report (2023), around one in five children aged 8-16 (20.3%) had a probable mental disorder, with anxiety being one of the most common struggles. The numbers are a bit higher for older children – 22.6% of 11-16 year olds compared to 15.7% of younger ones. And remember, lots of children experience school worries that don't reach the level of a disorder but still need our support and understanding.What's the difference between normal school nerves and an anxiety disorder?
Normal nerves usually start to settle within a couple of weeks of being back at school. Your child might still feel a bit nervous, but they can get on with things – making friends, joining in activities, having a laugh. An anxiety disorder feels much bigger and stickier. It doesn't ease up with time or reassurance, and it stops children from doing the things they love or need to do, like getting to school or spending time with friends. If you're worried and can't quite tell the difference, your GP can help you work out whether your child would benefit from some extra help.Where can I get professional help if my child's school anxiety continues?
Your child's teacher or the school SENCO (Special Educational Needs Coordinator) is a great first port of call. Many schools have their own emotional wellbeing support or counsellors who can step in. Your GP can also refer your child to local Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) if that feels like the right step. There are some brilliant charities too – Young Minds has a free parent helpline (0808 802 5544) where you can talk things through, and Place2Be offers school-based mental health support. And if your child is really struggling right now, don't hesitate to call your GP or ring NHS 111.
Lasting change starts with education
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Updated September 2025
